You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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