I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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