so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
