did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
