is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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