I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
