I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
