Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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