The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
