I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
