I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
