Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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