I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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