You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
