Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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