I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
