I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
