i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
