Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
