i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
