a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
