She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
