Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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