This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
