the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
