The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
