don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
