I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We are all done wearing pants today
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
