After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
