We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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