I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
