it hurts more in the daytime
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
