ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
