I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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