it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
