Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
