Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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