Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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