walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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