Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Im part way to drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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