On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
