I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
