Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
