Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
