i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
