It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
