So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
