Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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