you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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