I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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