i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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