need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
