Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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