Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
